How to have a successful relationship
Three keys to success in every relationship are honesty, open mindedness, and willingness, hence HOW. Open, honest, communication, conflict resolution and compromise. These skills are achieved by having a foundation of trust and respect. When we trust and respect each other in a relationship, thoughts and feelings are communicated in a calm and assertive way. Communication leads to understanding, forgiveness, and compromise. Effective conflict resolution occurs when couples communicate thoughts and feelings about a situation, work through the feelings, and let go within the same day, without going to bed angry. Couples that learn the skills needed to increase communication, resolve conflict and compromise are going to be able have a relationship that is healthy, fulfilling and satisfying.
Forgiveness is necessary and often a difficult skill for many couples to learn and apply. Unforgiveness leads to blame, unfair arguing, resentment, and bitterness. True forgiveness means we let the situation go and forget. The incident, mistake, hurt, or disappointment needs to be communicated. Many people will say that they forgive, but never forget and then use the situation as ammunition in the next argument or conflict. If the behavior is re-occurring, then apply conflict resolution skills to be able to resolve the situation once and for all, if not, repeated offenses will lead one to feel disrespected. Seek wise counsel if necessary to mediate the situation and learn. True expression of love is being slow to anger and quick to forgive. In every relationship, we need to do ourselves a favor, and forgive. Many people ask, “How many times must I forgive?” We must forgive every time that we feel hurt by another person’s words or actions.
Keys To Remember
- Listen, allow your mate an opportunity to speak, do not interrupt
- Focus on the behavior or incident in the moment
- No name calling, insults, assaults, profanity, or sarcasm
- Use I statements, not accusatory statements “I feel hurt” instead of “You always.”
- Take a time out if emotions are escalating
- Apologize, when wrong, promptly admit it
- Forgive as you would want to be forgiven
